Monday, October 11, 2004

A Bike Babbles......!!!

Sunday evenings are painful stuff. As the realization of the dawning Monday morning creeps in, my body decides not to cooperate and my mind becomes too lazy to control it. So i spent the whole evening watching television.

Ten Sports was showing a re-run of the Moto GP held in the morning and Valentino Rossi was in terrific form. Boy! watching this champion lad manouvre the Yamaha around those curves on the circuit was a pure visual treat. It was some solace for me on otherwise a boring and hectic weekend.

But watching this kind of stuff is very frustrating also. Watching him zoom away on his bike makes me think: He rides a Yamaha and i also ride an Yamaha. While he touches 280KMPH, i struggle to maintain 28KMPH on these bangalore roads. Dammit!!! I was thinking on similar lines for the rest of the evening and reached my bed with "The Davinci Code" in my hand.

This is a book which deals with mysticism, symbolism, Paganism etc. etc. I heard about it much but never cared to read as this is some kinda scary stuff for me. But when i saw it in my cousins place, i just thought of finding out what it is all about and brought it home. Afterall, a book that you dont have to pay for is too tempting!!!

I dunno when i slept off with the book on my face. The next thing i was aware of was, somebody calling me loudly, "Hello Sriram!!!". I thought it was my roomie again, shouting at me for sleeping off with the lights on, 365th time!!!

I shouted back, "Band kar lenaa yaar. Please..."

"Please speak in english. I dont know hindi."

This alarmed

Me: Who is this?

"I am your Bike. Its been long time i wanted to talk to you, but some how i am resisting my self. I can't bear this any more."

Me: What happened? Any problem?

My Bike(MB): Problem? Call it misery. With a person like you riding me, what better can it get. My life is totally screwed. Have you ever thought of the kind of sufferings i am going through? Were it to be The US, i would have sued you for 100 million $s for the mental agony and physical torture you are subjecting me through.

Me: But i haven't done such a big sin. Infact, i am paying that guy every month so that you are cleaned every morning.

MB: You think thats some thing great you are doing. Yes, i agree that i am cleaned every morning. Thanks to that kind soul. But do you remember when was the last time you washed your jeans, that sit on me. You wear the same jeans half the no. of days and as far as i remember, it was 3 months back they were washed.

Me: But jeans are supposed to be used that way...!

MB: Don't talk nonsense. Anyways, there is no point in cribbing now. My fate was decided the day i am shipped to Bangalore. On these roads and with this kind of rains, i never had hopes of staying clean. But what beats me is the utter lack of care on your part. You are too lazy to even switch the gears. Do you understand the pain my engine goes through whenever you slow down in 4th Gear just holding the clutch without changing to 3rd!!!

Infact, i dont understand why you bought me. You are so lazy even to ride me. Whenever there is someone with you, you happily handover the keys and sit on the pillion. As far as i know, there is only one person who could make you give a ride...!!!

Me: But its so bad riding in this traffic and i am just tired of it...!!!

MB: Then why are you using me at all? Just because you can't wake up early to catch your office shuttle.I know.Otherwise you dont love me at all...

Me: Please!Don't talk like a girlfriend....

MB: Girlfriend? Please dont talk about girlfriends. You don't have a right to. This is one more thing thats bugging me. All my fellow bikes' pillions are treated to charming girlfriends and i get to have none. It will be mostly you or one of your cousins. I am so ashamed to state this. God! What a life. Do you understand the pleasure of carrying a beautiful girl, enjoying the pleasant air she brings with? No use talking to you on this. You will never understand...

Me: Please, i am trying my best on this. But there are so many constrains and complexities involved.....Also, I am under constant surveilance!

MB: Don't lie. I know about you and your laziness. What efforts are you putting on this front. You expect to get a girl by staying home? And you happen to be that horrible tee-totaller. I don't even get to go to a Pub. When i came to Bangalore, i had so many hopes of frequenting pubs and enjoying the beauties there. But when you bought me, all of them vanished away. All i get to go apart from your office is your cousins place on weekends. And even if you go to some nice place on weekends, you park me there and go in his car. God! i am so neglected...

Me: Please. Now you sound like a wife...

MB: Shutup! don't talk of women again. Anyways, let me tell you the purpose of this visit. I came to give you a warning on all the above matters. If you don't change and start working on these matters, i have to think of taking some serious action...I will be observing you from tomorrow onwards.

At this moment, i was woken by my roomie shouting "Abey! thu phir se light band nahi kiyaa...!!!"

I sleptoff again, giving a serious thought to taking office shuttle.