Saturday, October 02, 2004

My BlogDog is Waiting For You.....!!!

Yippeeee!!! The counter on my blog shows 950+ now and running fast for a kilo. I am pretty excited. Though i am not going to reveal the percentage of self hits, let me make it clear that they are not very substantial. In the sense that, they are well below 90%. Ha ha ha!!!

Any ways, this makes me very happy and I take this opportunity to thank all you people who made this possible. Some of the brazilians and japanese who landed on my blog through the "next blog" button may not be reading this as they never came back again. But i extend my thanks to them also. If any of you know spanish or japanese, please convey this to them by posting a comment here, "Sriram thanks you" in those languges. I thank you in advance for that!!!

And for that 1000th hit, i have big plans. Infact, i have planned for this well in advance. I have taken help of my Russian hacker friend Vladimirsky Gotanev, and created this special software. I named it BlogDog(Registered)!!! And i am embedding this software in to my blog now. What this can do is truely amazing. When that glorious moment comes, when the counter on my blog turns 1000, this software triggers itself automatically.

It then analyzes the IP packets and finds details about the 1000th visitor. It will trigger the webcam on my Russian friend's system to take a snap of this person and publishes that on my blog immediately. I dont have much details about this camera, but he assures me that he can take snaps of any person, any where in the world visiting my blog. Please dont ask me how this is possible, as i dont know Russian and couldn't understand the manual he sent for my reference. Then it sends me a report, giving all the details like Name, gender, location etc. of this visitor.

Here is a word of caution. For the next few days, If you are accessing my blog from home, please make sure that you put on decent clothing before accessing it as i dont want my blog to be listed in those X categories. Also, from now onwards, you may consider putting up a big smile on your face just before accessing my site. People may give a suspective glance on seeing you smile at the monitor, but a smile sure enhances your snap value!!!

But if you are accessing my blog from office and are apprehensive about your boss seeing your snap on my blog(afterall, such a famous one this), i have an idea for you. Just before accessing it, cover your face with both your hands and look through the gaps. If the counter is showing 1000, just hard boot your system using your feet. If the counter is not showing 1000, then you are safe and can browse through normally.

This is a kind of Beta testing for my BlogDog(Registered) and if it works fine, i am planning to float a company and market it as a Blog CRM product. I am sure it will be a big hit and even google may eventually buy it!!! And that can make me rich. Also, as a token of gratitude, i am planing to give a 10% share of this money to the 1000th vistor of my blog!!!

So if you are the 1000th visitor, you have so much in store for you. And what are you waiting for??? Put on your new suite, put up a big smile and start pressing F5....!!!

Monday, September 27, 2004 that serious Buddy!!!

A perfect chaudhvin ki raath. The moon in full glory and the sensuous cool breeze treating my senses to sheer ecstasy. Add Mohd. Rafi to it entrancing me with mellifluous Deewana hua baadal...!!! Sitting in the balcony of my eigth floor flat, what i should be experiencing is nothing less than seventh heaven.

But what a pity!!! What i am experiencing right now is utter torture. Mental torture. Thats what i have been experiencing for the last one week. And i couldn't bear it anymore. So i have decided to post what ever i can.

Let me make things clear. I have a friend, whom i call up everytime after posting something here and ask for opinion. Though i have never been able to get a "Great Buddy!!!", things were not very bad till the last post. This is what happened when i called her up last time.

Me: Hello...
My Friend(MF): Hi.
Me: Dude! How was this last post of mine...
MF: Hmmm...OK.
Me: Just OK? Can't you give a better comment...?
MF: No, infact i am kinda irritated. No other topic for you...? Why do you always write about gals?
Me: Because i am straight. And not interested in guys...
MF: Shut up!!! Write something serious next time. Otherwise, just dont call me.
Me: But....
MF: thats it...(Click).

Thats about it My dear readers, from then onwards i am undergoing this pain. Thinking hard to find some thing "serious" to write about. For a guy like me, this is pretty "serious" indeed. But i was determined and started my endeavours.

I started like this. I went home and looked up the Dictionary for "serious". It gave two meanings:
1. Solemn. This is something godly, and i better be careful.
2. Important. Hmm...what is important to me. Gals...errr!!! I am there again.
So the dictionary was of no use and i was pretty disappointed.

I thought i will write about some of the "serious" people i know. For example, this girl in my office with a melancholous stride, whom i never saw smiling. But again, no gals right. What about this project manager of mine. An epitome of seriousness. But why take risk just for a blog!!!

I have been thinking this way for the whole last week and torturing my self. All in vain. Haven't even had a shave or combed my hair. Always lost in thoughts and hardly eating anything. And today when i was walking in my office corridor, lost in these "serious" thoughts, a colleague of mine patted me from back and said..."Any problem buddy! you are looking so SERIOUS these days.....!!!"

And that was the last straw!!!